Douchebag Magnetism 101: Session 3

Tonight, thousands of Douchebags are on their way to prey on innocent women. Be prepared.

Here is another round of the typical douchebags that you may encounter in your favorite bar/pub/nightclub.

1. The Gun Kisser Douche (aka the Gotti Douche): Everything he touches turns into gold (residue from the spray tan he got earlier today), he's been lifting weights since he was two years old, and you are more likely to have your eye poked out by his hair than get into a car accident.
Step away from the Jagerbomb! Unless you want to date him and his 14 bro's, whom you can't tell apart.

2. The Wannabe Madouchian: Uh, I can see you there. Your nose and asshole colored aura are kind of hard to miss.
Although you regret it, you went out with this a-hole before. Now he refuses to acknowledge your existence and when he spots you, chooses to hide behind something (usually his douchebag posse). Run towards him, tap him on the shoulder and say "you're it".

3. The Douchebag Ex: He's reminiscing about your [sexual] past while his new girlfriend gets him a drink or is not present at the moment.
You should consider being friends with him now. Haha. Just kidding. Chances are that if you dumped him for being a douchebag he might still be a douchebag. Maybe even a bigger one. People change. Douchebags don't.

4. Tall Tale Douche: Goes out of his way to impress you... with his rather obvious fake stories.
Impress him with a fake story of your own. "Yes, I once murdered a man because I found out he was lying to me! I bet you're different though!"

Happy Friday. Say NO to Douchebags!

Peace & Love,
Jess & Joey

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