Douchebag Magnetism 101: Session 2

Welcome to our second session of Douchebag Magnetism 101.

Last week we learned the key topic for DBM 101: Education Through Classification. The following douchebags are most likely to be encountered during those first few weeks of dating.

1. Investment Bankouche: he sure loves talking... about money.
Hold it right there! Money came up on the first date? He is probably (for sure) lacking in other departments. Thank him for the fancy foie gras and scallops dinner, and walk away.

2. The Madouchian: now you see him and... abracadabra, now he's gone!
Just beware that once he comes back, because he will, you are the one to have pulled the magic act of disappearing for good. (refer to Houdini)

3. The LOL Douche: incapable of making a phone call and spelling out actual words. "What r u doin' 2nite? lol" (Received at 3:14am). Everything is via text... even the indecent proposals.
Text him back saying: "OMG, I'll totally poke the hell outta u if u text me again @3am, lol" And ask him what part of "what are you doing tonight" is so funny he is laughing out loud.

Sharing is caring!

One of you, who has preferred to be left anonymous, has found and named another type of Douchebag:

4. The Dumb Douche: A Guy who hates Douches but doesn't have the balls to ask out the pretty girl, hence making him the Dumb Douche.
Get you act together and ask the girl out. You didn't have her before, so you won't miss her if she says no.

E-mail us your Douchebag encounters and we'll classify them for you!

Just remember: Say NO to Douchebags!

See you next next week!

Peace & Love,

Jess & Joey

© 2009. Chic, Broke & Confused. All Rights Reserved.

News Feed: Jess and Joey are now in a complicated relationship <3 1:54am

You're awesome and fabulous. Your Facebook states otherwise. We guarantee it. Besides proving you are not a hologram it doesn't do anyone much justice.
So, what does your Facebook page say about you?

First things first. The Relationship Status:

1. From In a Relationship, to Single, to In a Relationship again... to Single again (within 2 weeks).
The world does not need to know about your incapability to stay broken up with your boyfriend. Leave it blank.

2. It's Complicated: Doesn't saying that your relationship status is complicated make it more complicated?
The answer is yes, yes it does!

3. It's Complicated with [Insert Name Here]: We're really glad you are both proud of your unstable relationship.
It's complicated without marriage, real problems and children in the mix? Do yourself a favor, move on.

4. In an Open Relationship: It can't get more open than this.
You can't decide if you want John or Adam or Brittney.

Bottom line: Relationships are tough. Maybe that's why the DMV only gives you three choices: Single, Married and Widowed.

Peace & Love,

Jess & Joey


© 2009. Chic, Broke & Confused. All Rights Reserved.

Different Country Code. Same Shit.

All men are created equal. Thomas Jefferson said these timeless words once upon a time, while writing a little known document called “The Declaration of Independence”.

Needless to say, he is right. You have met different men in different cities and countries. Isn’t it funny that most of them turn out to be the same? Their means may or may not justify the end, but in this case these might get lost in translation. The end, however, will be the exactly the same. Most of them will end up not meeting your expectations and annoying you. You will certainly end up acing your study abroad program in "Magnetismo del Douchebag 101" – yet again.

After having one too many glasses of the local alcoholic beverage, you might actually be thinking the fairy tale story. You are already seeing yourself falling in love abroad and staying in this remote town, which you cannot remember the name of, for this local, tall and handsome dude. The pick of the litter at O’Douchebag Pub. Let’s face it. We, women, have a chromosome or some genetic malfunction that quickly disables us to see things for what they are: a plain fling or one-night stand. Mea culpa. It has happened to us. It may be about to happen to you.

We want you to scratch the hindsight that makes you believe you can be just like the friend of your cousin’s sister’s classmate who went to Barcelona, fell in love and is now waltzing with a hot Spaniard. You might be her but chances are you will come back dancing the Macarena instead, sans the guy. So stay tuned for our analyses abroad! We will go to all sorts of places, inspired from personal experiences, what our friends have gone through and your suggestions. Don’t be afraid to roast le garçon, il ragazzo, el chico, the dude, der junge. You get it the idea. We are better off getting a laugh out of this.

Peace & Love,

Jess & Joey


© 2009. Chic, Broke & Confused. All Rights Reserved.

Chic, Broke & Confused: A modern day unbiased advice column

"He loves his goldfish more than he loves me."

"I am in the middle of a love octagon."

"I can't cook a hot dog."

It's no secret that we all have "problems" in our lives. So what do you do? You call your trusty best friend and hope she tells you what you want to hear.

Yeah. That’s right. What YOU want to hear, not what is in your best interest. We all know how it goes; in the end it’s easier to make the wrong decisions. Not that it's always a bad thing, because you might actually learn something. Still, if you're not happy with your current situation it’s probably because you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. The case of the stubborn amnesiac.

Get over it! Wipe that dirt off your $330 True Religion jeans and move on. It's a great time to be a woman. You just have to embrace that. We are here because we want to be. We want to start a conversation about where we are going to be in the next few years.

To do this, we need to touch base and figure out our daily woes. Confront them and bring that confidence to the forefront of who we are. Change is a biggie. It's not easy to come to terms with it, but once you do, you start appreciating many of the small things. Like penises, ups and downs come in all shapes and sizes.

Who we are.

First off, we are not psychologists. We are not financial gurus (if we were, we would be busy tearing up Wall Street). We are not experts in any one field. Bottom line, we are just like you. We are chic, broke and confused.

We have made bad choices, and moved on. We have made awesome decisions (one of which led us to meet in a great cosmopolitan city in Europe). Bottom line, we’re just like you – trying to sort out what’s right and wrong, separate the black, white and gray areas and use our confidence and capabilities to do great stuff.

What you should expect.

General advice on ANYTHING, really. Just as long we have gone through it or seen someone else do it. You can expect to read from sex and relationship advice to traveling, personal finance and what movie you should see this week. We're sorry, but we can’t really comment on what we think are weird, obscure subjects (ie. Star Trek, C-SPAN, etc).
We are not professionals, as we've mentioned before. Don’t blame us if you slip off the wagon. Don’t praise us if we are able to solve your problems. At the end of the day, you did that on your own, we just gave you that extra little push.
(We can’t write prescriptions for meds either.)

We already think you’re chic, awesome and fabulous, if you are reading our column. So we really will encourage you to eliminate the broke and confused bit of the equation without changing who you really are.

Questions? Concerns? Not sure what to do?
Write us at ChicBrokeConfused@gmail.com!
So we can all benefit from each others experiences,we will post your question with our answer. No worries though! We respect your privacy and we will not disclose any personal details.

Peace & Love,

Jess & Joey




© 2009. Chic, Broke & Confused. All Rights Reserved.